


The Esper of Thneedville

by smeem



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, The Lorax (2012), モブサイコ100 | Mob Psycho 100
Genre: Cheating, Communism, Crack, Dimple is there, M/M, Out of Character, Yandere, oh gosh oh frick
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-06
Packaged: 2020-02-27 01:30:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18728962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smeem/pseuds/smeem
Summary: How could Reigen love anyone but his Serizawa?





	1. Top Hat

For lack of smaller bills, Reigen slammed one hundred dollars on the counter.

A man in an eccentric green striped suit placed the bill in the register and handed him his change.

“Thirty dollars and thirty one cents.”

“Nice.”

The shopkeeper’s eccentric appearance didn’t end at the suit, or the gloves he used to hand Reigen the change. Blue sunglasses covered his eyes, and upon his head was a green and black top hat. Reigen pondered briefly whether or not the hat could indicate anything- but how could he think of another man when he had his beloved Serizawa at home?

Wary of scams was the conman as he counted his change. It was only as he left the shop with his newly-purchased Thneed that he realized he had overpaid, by exactly one dollar. 

“Egads! My fucking money,” he said, walking swiftly back towards the origin of this misdeed. The literal act of thievery that had been committed was unforgivable. The shopkeeper would suffer through lengthy and redundant dialogue for this.

“How can you call yourself a capitalist?” Reigen started, “One dollar is enough to buy anything at the dollar store. A real capitalist would never do something so unethical and inconsiderate as to revoke my very right to purchase items at the dollar store. You think you’re a capitalist, huh?”

The shopkeeper lifted his goggles to the brim of his top hat, “I never said anything about capitalism. What are you, a fucking commie?” 

Reigen found himself at a loss for words as he looked into this man’s eyes, blue like a spring morning’s sky but laced with deceit. 

“I- No, of course not! You’re the commie bastard!” Reigen huffed indignantly. He could feel his face heating up, and hoped it wasn’t as visible as it felt. Is this what it felt like, to be in love at first sight?

The shopkeeper gestured to the price tags attached to various items of which were assumed to be clothing. “Would a communist do  _ this _ ?”

No, this couldn’t be love. This was wrong, forbidden,  _ fucking gay _ \- and again, he had Serizawa. But alas, this man had  wormed his way into Reigen’s heart like a worm would in dirt; a smilie suited to the way Reigen felt about the state of his primary cardiovascular organ. Dirty.

“I suppose not, but-”

“Then I’ve proved my point,” said the shopkeeper, folding his arms in triumph. Reigen couldn’t help but find his demeanor so… sexy. It was to this mysterious man that he lost an argument for the first time in over a decade. Could he have finally met his equal? Reigen took a deep breath to prepare himself for the shitty pickup line that would condemn him to a life of lies.

“A communist such as yourself would know that workers unite,” he started, sliding his business card smoothly across the counter, “so… call my office if you are in need of supernatural assistance.”

Reigen default danced out of shop at that; thneed in hand, the extra dollar long forgotten. All he could think of was the softness of the thneed he draped around his neck, and how it was most definitely sewn by the hands of that enticingly eccentric entrepreneur. He knew it was unprofessional and morally wrong, but these feelings were too thrilling and intense to stifle. 

How bad could it possibly be?

 


	2. and dimple was there

Dimple huffed, “I’m saying he’s a slut, Serizawa. Why would I lie to you?” Unbeknownst to Reigen, there had been witness in the shop on that fateful day- a witness who didn’t care for keeping secrets.

Serizawa was reluctant to believe his words, but shocked nonetheless. The thought crossed his mind that Reigen could be lying about his feelings. He did lie to clients, after all. What would make him an exception?

They shifted their gaze to the door that swung open, and the woman who walked in. Serizawa had mostly become accustomed to greeting clients at this point.

“Welcome to Spirits and Such! What can we do for you?” Serizawa said Vigorously.

The client looked fearfully around the room. “I’ve been seeing things. I think there’s a-” she lowered her voice dramatically, “a fucking ghost in my apartment.”

Oh no. 

Dimple rolled his eyes. Serizawa was unsure of what to do, so he thought of what Reigen would say. “If you take me there, I could exorcise it now?” 

The client breathed a sigh of relief. “Hell yeah. Thank you.”

It was unusual for Serizawa to leave the office on the normal work day, but it was unlikely that Reigen would come back and worry in his absence. Reigen had been away for increasingly long periods of time, and probably had better things to do by now. (Like the Once-ler)

“This is the building,” the client said, pointing towards a somewhat dilapidated complex. The haunting was probably legitimate, judging by the building’s appearance. But Serizawa’s eyes caught something more terrifying- Reigen, with another man. 

He had some kind of red flower thing in the pocket of his green suit. Sunglasses perched atop his hat.  _ So that’s the type of man Reigen liked. _

“Hello?” The client’s voice broke his train of thought. 

“Right, sorry!” Serizawa hurried up the stairs to catch up to the client. He was glad to have work distracting him. Otherwise, who knows what could happen?

*

“But does everyone  _ really  _ need a thneed?” Reigen countered as he and the Once-ler held hands romantically, “A wise man once said that the production of too many useful things results in too many useless people.”

The Once-ler scoffed, “That’s from Karl Marx. Are you a commie? A fucking Marxist? Gonna criticize my human rights?”

“Ah, but how did you know that quote was form Marx? Could it be that you’ve studied his philosophy?”

The Once-ler pinned Reigen against a wall with one arm. “I know you’re a communist, too. This capitalism we’ve ingrained into our lives… it’s all a lie, isn’t it?”

Reigen gasped. The Once-ler was absolutely right, but how did he know? There was only one explanation- he and the Once-ler had to be alike. 

A seductive whisper graced Reigen’s ear,

_ “Let’s abolish our private property.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently yesterday was karl marx's birthday? i hope he enjoyed his gift.

**Author's Note:**

> creeper,   
> aw man


End file.
